Hey, you've reached Doug. Sorry I missed your call.
Please leave a name and number and I'll get back to you.
Hi, you've reached Dr. Stuart Price...
... with Divine Dentistry.
Please leave a message after...
Hey, this is Phil.
Leave me a message or don't.
Do me a favor, don't text me. It's gay.
Anything? - I tried them all.
It keeps going straight to voicemail.
Well, there has to be an explanation.
Sweetie, it's Vegas. You lose track of time in casinos.
There's no windows, there's no clocks.
He's probably on a heater.
And you never walk away from the table when you're on a heater.
You do if you're getting married.
Hello? - Ahem, Tracy, it's Phil.
Phil, where the hell are you guys?
I'm freaking out.
Yeah, listen.
Uh...
We fucked up.
What are you talking about?
The bachelor party, the whole night. It...
Things got out of control, uh...
...and we lost Doug.
What? - We can't find Doug.
What are you saying, Phil? We're getting married in five hours.
Yeah.
That's not gonna happen.
To my left a little.
Thank you.
Okey-dokey.
Whoa, watch it, pervert! - Alan, he's just doing your inseam.
He's getting very close to my shaft. - All done. You can change now.
Right. Thanks, Floyd. Thank you very much.
All right, buddy, we should get a move on.
You know, Doug, I was thinking...
If you wanna go to Vegas without me, that is totally cool, you know?
What are you talking about?
You know, Phil and Stu, they're your buddies,
... and it's your bachelor party. And...
Come on, Alan. Those two love you.
And also, I don't want you to feel like you have to hold back...
...because your wife's brother's there. I just...
It's not like that.
I already told you, Alan.
Okay? We're just spending the night in Vegas.
It's no big deal.
Besides, you're not just my wife's brother, you're my brother now.
I want you to know, Doug, I'm a steel trap.
Whatever happens tonight...
I will never, ever, ever, speak a word of it.
Okay. Yeah, I got it. Thank you. I don't think that...
Seriously. I don't care what happens.
I don't care if we kill someone. - What?
You heard me. It's Sin City.
I won't tell a soul.
Okay. I got it.
Thank you. No, thank you.
I love you so much.
No. Sid.
Really? - Come on, we're family now.
You sure? I mean, you love this car. - Doug, it's just a car.
Just make sure, when to get there...
... to put some Armor All on the tires so the sand doesn't seep in.
Absolutely. That's easy.
Oh, and, uh, don't let Alan drive...
...because there's something wrong with him.
Understood. - Oh, and Phil either. I don't like him.
I will be the only one driving this car. I promise.
Good.
Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
Ah!
Except for herpes. That shit will come back with you.
All right. Hold on. Hold on.
I still need some of your permission slips...
...and $90 for the field trip to the Griffith Observatory next weekend.
Pay now, or forever regret missing out on the experience of a lifetime, guys.
You're good, you got it.
Thanks, Mr. Wenneck. - Thank you, Russ.
Thanks. Thanks, Bobbitt, way to go.
Hold on, I got it.
Ahem, do you have to park so close?
Yeah. What's wrong? - I shouldn't be here.
Why is that, Alan?
I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school.
What? - Or a Chuck E. Cheese.
Mr. Wenneck, I was... - It's the weekend.
I don't know you. You do not exist.
Shit. - Heh, heh, heh.
Nice car. - Yeah.
I'm driving.
Whoa, no chance, buddy... Don't step...
God. Watch the leath...
Shut up and drive before these nerds ask me another question.
Animal. - Who's this?
It's Alan. Tracy's brother. - I met you, like, four times.
Oh, yeah. How you doing, man?
Don't forget your Rogaine.
Rogaine, check.
And don't forget to use it.
I can totally tell when you forget, your hair just looks thinner.
Using of the Rogaine, check.
Make sure to call me right when you get to the hotel...
...not like that conference in Phoenix.
I had to wait two hours for you to call me.
Yeah, I was the keynote speaker. I was late to the podium.
Still? - Yeah, you're totally right. I'm sorry.
What is the matter? - I don't know.
I just hope you're not gonna go to some strip club when you're up there.
Melissa, we're going to Napa Valley.
I don't even think they have strip clubs in wine country.
Well, I'm sure if there is one, Phil will sniff it out.
It's not gonna be like that.
Besides, you know how I feel about that.
I know, I know.
It's just boys and their bachelor parties, it's gross.
You're right, it is gross.
Not to mention it's pathetic. - Mm-hm.
Those places are filthy. - Yeah.
And the worst part is...
...that little girl...
...grinding and dry humping the fucking stage up there...
...that's somebody's daughter up there. - I was just gonna say that.
See? I just wish your friends were as mature as you.
They are mature, actually.
You just have to get to know them better.
Paging Dr. Faggot.
Dr. Faggot!
I should go. - That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot.
Have a good weekend. I'm gonna miss you.
www.frendz4m.com
Whoo!
Road trip!
Vegas! Vegas, baby!
Vegas!
You're nuts!
Come on, just till Barstow. Everybody's passing us.
Absolutely not.
I promised Sid. I will be the only one driving this car.
Besides, you're drinking.
Oh, what are you, a cop now?
You know I drive great when I'm drunk. - That's true.
Don't forget, Phil was always our designated drunk driver.
Yeah. You wanna explain it to them, Alan?
Guys, my dad loves this car more than he loves me, so, yeah.
Aw, whatever. Look, I left my wife and kid at home...
...so I could go with you guys to Vegas.
You know how difficult that was? - That's really sweet.
Yeah. - Dude, I was being sarcastic.
I fucking hate my life.
I may never go back. I might stay in Vegas.
Here we go.
Doug, enjoy yourself, because come Sunday...
...you're gonna start dying just a little bit every day.
Yeah. - Alright!
That's why I've managed to stay single this whole time, you know?
Oh, really? That's why you're single? - Yeah.
Cool. Good to know.
Am I all right over there, Alan? - Yeah, you're good.
Aw, Jesus Christ!
Oh, my God! - That was awesome!
That was not awesome. What's wrong with you?
That was insane. We almost just died. - You should have seen your face.
Classic. - That's funny. Ha-ha.
It's not funny.
Boy, you've got a sweet ride there. - Don't touch it.
Don't even look at it. Go on, get out.
You heard me. Don't look at me, either.
Yeah, you better walk on.
He's actually kind of funny. - Yeah, he means well.
I'll hit an old man in public.
Is he all there? Like, mentally?
I think so. He's just an odd guy. You know, he's kind of weird.
I mean, should we be worried? - No.
All right. - No.
Tracy did mention that we shouldn't let him gamble.
Or drink too much.
Jesus, he's like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and shit.
And one water.
All good with Melissa? - Oh, yeah.
Told her we're two hours outside of wine country,
... and she bought it.
You think it's strange you've been in a relationship for years...
...and you have to lie about Vegas?
Yeah, I do. But trust me, it's not worth the fight.
Oh, so you can't go to Vegas...
...but she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?
Hey.
Okay, first of all, he was a bartender.
And she was wasted.
And, if you must know, he didn't even come inside her.
And you believe that?
Uh, yeah, I do believe that, because she's grossed out by semen.
That'll be 32.50.
It's 32.50, you gonna pay for it?
It says here we should work in teams. Who wants to be my spotter?
I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight, Alan.
Gambling? Who said anything about gambling?
It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win.
Counting cards is a foolproof system.
It's also illegal.
It's not illegal, it's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.
I'm pretty sure that's illegal too.
Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive.
Thanks a lot, Bin Laden.
Either way, you gotta be super smart to count cards, buddy, okay?
Oh, really? - It's not easy.
Well maybe we should tell that to Rain Man...
...because he practically bankrupted a casino, and he was a retard.
What?
He was a retard.
Retard.
Here we go.
Hi, welcome to Caesars.
Hello. - Checking in?
Yeah. We have a reservation under Dr. Price.
Okay, let me look that up for you.
Dr. Price?
Stu, you're a dentist, okay? Don't try and get fancy.
It's not fancy if it's true. - He's a dentist. Don't get too excited.
And if, uh, someone has a heart attack, you should still call 911.
We'll be sure to do that.
Can I ask you a question?
Do you know if the hotel's pager-friendly?
What do you mean? - I'm not getting a sig on my beeper.
I'm not sure. - Is there a payphone bank?
Bunch of payphones? Business.
Um, there's a phone in your room.
That'll work.
So I have you in a two-bedroom suite on the 12th floor, is that okay?
It sounds perfect.
Actually, I was wondering if you had any villas.
We're not even gonna be in the room. - It's unnecessary.
No big deal. We can share beds. It's one night.
If we're share beds, I'm bunking with Phil.
You good with that? - No, I'm not.
Guys, we are not sharing beds. What are we, 12 years old?
Lisa, I apologize. How much is the villa?
Well, we have one villa available, and it's 4200 for the night.
Is it awesome? - It's pretty awesome.
We'll take it. Give her your credit card. - I can't give her my credit card.
We'll split it. - Are you crazy? No, this is on us.
You don't get it. Melissa checks my statements.
We just need a credit card on file.
We won't charge you until check out, so you can figure it out then.
That's perfect! Thank you, Lisa.
We'll deal with it tomorrow. Come on.
Fine.
Can I ask you another question? - Sure.
You probably get this a lot.
This isn't the real Caesars Palace, is it?
What do you mean?
Did, uh...
Did Caesar live here? - Um, no.
I didn't think so.
Holy shit.
Now, this is Vegas.
Oh, my... This place is enormous.
Now we're talking.
Is this all one suite?
Thank you, guys.
Or should I say, "Thank you, Stu"?
You're welcome. It's only because I love you.
Okay, ladies, pick a room, get dressed.
Let's be ready in 30 minutes.
I just wish you could see this place,
... because you, of all people, would love it.
Yeah. No, it's so quaint.
Yeah, no, there's no TVs, no phones.
They just have these cute little antique radios in all the rooms.
Yeah.
What else? Um...
We met the, uh, proprietor.
Oh, I bet you... - What's his name?
Um, Caesar. Palacè.
Yeah, like the salad.
Okay. Well, listen, I gotta go,
... because we're gonna hit this wine tasting.
Wait, wait. I love you. Okay. Bye.
I'm not even gonna say anything, it's so embarrassing.
Where's Alan? - He, uh, he went downstairs.
He said he had to grab a few things.
Good, because I have something to show you.
Uh-Oh.
What the hell is that? - What do you think?
If it's what I think it is, I think it's a big fucking mistake.
I'm gonna propose to Melissa at your wedding.
After the ceremony.
Stuey, congratulations! - Thank you, Doug.
That's a beautiful ring. - Yeah. It's my grandmother's.
She made it all the way through the Holocaust with that thing.
Wait, have you not listened to anything I have ever said?
Phil, we've been dating for three years.
It's time. This is how it works.
A, that is bullshit. And B, she is a complete bitch.
Hey, that's his fiancée.
What? It's true. It's true.
You know it's true. She beats him.
That was twice, and I was out of line.
She's strong-willed.
And I respect that. - Wow. Wow.
He's in denial. Not to mention, she fucked a sailor.
Hey, he wasn't a sailor.
He was a bartender on a cruise ship. You know that.
Guys, just, I'm standing right here.
So I can hear everything that you're saying.
Hey, guys. You ready to let the dogs out?
What? - Do what?
Let the dogs out. You know.
Who brought this guy?
Yes, Alan, we are ready to let the dogs out.
Hey, congrats. - Thank you.
I love this fucking town.
You're not really wearing that, are you? - Wearing what?
The man-purse.
You're actually gonna wear that or are you guys fucking with me?
It's where I keep all my things.
I get a lot of compliments on this.
Plus, it's not a man-purse. It's called a satchel.
Indiana Jones wears one.
So does Joy Behar.
We're going up, guys. - Yeah, that's perfect.
Really?
We're going up?
I'm just saying, it's clearly marked, okay?
We are definitely not supposed to be up here.
Come on, we're paying for a villa. We can do whatever the fuck we want.
Yeah, but... - Just wedge the door open.
Guys, come on up here. - Fine.
How the hell did you find this place?
Don't worry about it.
Oh!
You all right? - Yeah.
Look at the view up here. - You happy?
This is great. - Whoa!
Are you kidding?
Alan, how we doing, buddy? - Good.
What do you got over there, Alan?
That's the Eiffel Tower.
Uh-oh.
Right? - A little Jägermeister.
Good idea. - There it is. Good call.
On the roof.
Um, no, this is good. I'd like to make a toast.
To Doug and Tracy.
May tonight be...
...but a minor speed bump...
...in an otherwise very long and healthy marriage.
Cheers. - Cheers.
Short and sweet.
Oh, it's like college.
All right. I wanna talk about something. - All right.
I want to... - I'd like to...
I'd like to say something...
...that I prepared...
...tonight. - All right, Alan.
"Hello.
How about that ride in?
I guess that's why they call it Sin City.
You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner.
I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.
But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own.
And my wolf pack, it grew by one.
So were there two... So there were two of us in the wolf pack.
I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later.
And six months ago...
...when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought:
'Wait a second. Could it be?' And now, I know for sure.
I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. "
All right. - All right.
"Four of us wolves...
...running around the desert together in Las Vegas...
...looking for strippers and cocaine. "
So tonight...
...I make a toast. - Whoa.
What...? - What do you got there?
Dude, what the fuck? - What the hell are you doing?
What is that? - Blood brothers.
Don't... Why did you...? - Damn it.
Here. - Alan...
No. - No, I'm not doing that.
Go ahead, Stuart. - Make him stop.
Alan, we're not gonna cut ourselves. Give me the knife.
Slowly. Thank you. Okay. Thank you very much.
You all right? Are you okay? - Mm-hm.
Do you need a doctor? - He's good.
You sure? - I'm good.
Perfect. Alan, come here, buddy. - Get in here, crazy.
All right, to a night the four of us will never forget.
There it is. - Hear, hear.
Hey, thanks, guys.
Hm.
Stupid tiger.
What the fuck?
Control yourself, man. Goddamn, will you put on some pants?
Phil, do not go in the bathroom. - Al, just calm down. It's me.
Phil, there is a tiger in the bathroom.
What's going on? - There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!
Okay, okay, Al. Al, I'll check it out. - Don't go in.
Don't go in, don't go in. Be careful. Don't, don't.
Oh! Holy fuck! He's not kidding. - See? See?
There's a tiger in there. - No, there isn't.
Yeah!
It's big. Gigantic. - You okay, buddy?
No. I am in so much pain right now.
Goddamn. Look at this place.
Whew.
I know, Phil.
They have my credit card downstairs. I am so screwed.
How does a tiger get in the bathroom? It almost killed me.
Hey, bro? You mind putting on some pants?
I find it a little weird I have to ask twice.
Pants at a time like this? I don't have any p...
What the fuck happened last night?
Hey, Phil, am I missing a tooth?
I can't... Oh, shit.
Oh, my God.
My lateral incisor's... It's gone!
It's okay. Okay, okay. We just need to calm down.
We're fine. Everything's fine.
Alan, go wake up Doug.
Let's get some coffee and get the fuck out of Nevada...
...before housekeeping shows.
What am I gonna tell Melissa? I lost a tooth.
I have no idea how it happened.
You're freaking me out, man.
I got a massive headache, okay? Let's just calm down.
How am I supposed to calm down? Look around you.
Hey, guys, he's not in there. - Did you check all the rooms?
Yeah, I looked everywhere. Plus, his mattress is gone.
He probably went to the pool to get something to eat.
I'll just call his cell.
I look like a nerdy hillbilly.
Hello? - Alan.
Hey.
It's Phil. - Oh, hey, Phi...
This is Doug's phone. This is Doug's phone.
No shit. - Yeah.
What the fuck is that?
Whose fucking baby is that?
Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?
Yeah, I checked all the rooms. No one's here.
Check its collar or something.
Shh. Shh.
It's okay, baby. - Stu, we don't have time for this.
Let's go hook up with Doug, we'll deal with the baby later.
Phil, we're not gonna leave a baby in the room.
There's a fucking tiger in the bathroom. - It's not our baby.
Yeah, I gotta side with Stu on this one.
All right, fine. Okay, we'll take it with us.
Could you at least just find some pants?
Why can't we remember a goddamn thing from last night?
Because we obviously had a great fucking time.
Why don't you just stop worrying for one minute.
Be proud of yourself.
Oh, how cute. What's his name?
Ben. - Carlos.
Carlos?
Thank you.
Hey, Phil, look.
He's jacking his little weenis.
Pull yourself together, man. - Not at the table, Carlos.
I looked everywhere.
Gym, casino, front desk. Nobody's seen Doug.
He's not here.
He's fine. He's a grown man.
Seriously, Stu, you gotta calm down. Here, have some juice.
I can't have juice right now.
Okay. All right. Let's just track this thing.
What's the last thing we remember doing last night?
Well, the first thing was we were on the roof...
...and were having those shots of Jäger.
And then we ate dinner at The Palm. Right?
That's right.
And then we played craps at the Hard Rock,
... and I think Doug was there.
That sounds right. No, no. He definitely was.
Yeah! You know what, guys?
I don't even remember going to dinner. - I know.
What the fuck? I don't think I've ever been this hung-over.
After the Hard Rock, I blacked out. It was like emptiness.
Okay. We have up until 10 p. m...
...so that gives us a 12-hour window where we could have lost him.
What is this? - Oh, my God. That is my tooth.
Why do you have that? What else is in your pockets?
This is a good thing. No. Check your pockets.
Check your pockets.
Do you have anything?
I have an ATM receipt from the Bellagio.
Eleven-oh-five for $800! I am so fucked.
I have a valet ticket from Caesars. - 15 a. m.
Oh, shit. We drove last night?
Driving drunk. Classic.
What's on your arm?
What the fuck is that? - Jesus, Phil.
You were in the hospital last night. - I guess so, yeah.
You okay? - Yeah, Alan. I'm fine.
What the hell is going on?
Well, Stu, Stu, this is a good thing. We have a lead now.
Hey, Stu, watch this.
You ever seen a baby do that? - Dude, Alan, not cool.
So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?
What? I've found a baby before.
You found a baby before? - Yeah.
Where? - Coffee Bean.
Wait, what?
Hey, Phil? I don't think Doug would want us to take the Mercedes.
Relax, we'll be careful.
My dad is crazy about that car. He left Doug in charge...
Alan. We got bigger problems here.
Doug could be in the hospital, he could be hurt.
Let's worry about the car later. - Uh, guys? Check it out.
All right, grab it from the other side.
Is that the mattress from Doug's room?
What the fuck?
Hey, man, what's going on here?
Some asshole threw his bed out the window last night.
No shit. - Yeah.
Some guys just can't handle Vegas.
Ha-ha.
Oh, God.
It's gonna be okay, Stu.
How the hell did we manage that?
Here's your car, officers. - Oh, God.
All right, everybody act cool. All right, don't say a word.
Come on, let's just get in and go. Come on.
Stu, you got a five? - No.
I'll hit you on the way back. - Thank you, sir.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
You just nailed the baby.
Are my glasses okay?
Your glasses are fine, dick.
This is so illegal.
Can't you see the fun part in anything?
Yeah, we're stuck in traffic in a stolen police car...
...with a missing child in the back seat.
Which part of this is fun?
I think the cop-car part's pretty cool. - Thank you, Alan. It is cool.
Doug would love it.
Come on.
Check this out. - Oh, no. No, Phil. No, Phil.
Don't do this!
Take it easy. - Just try to call more attention to us.
Attention. - Sorry.
Attention, please. Move out of the way.
I repeat, please disperse.
Phil, stop the car, I wanna get out. Stop the car, I wanna get out.
Stop! Stop the car, I wanna get out. Pull over!
Ma'am, in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack.
Get off the sidewalk! Get off the sidewalk!
I should have been a fucking cop.
Look, I already told you.
You came in with a mild concussion, some bruised ribs. No big deal.
Although none of you could articulate how it happened.
Do you remember how many of us were here?
Ah...
I don't know. I think it was just you guys.
Definitely no baby.
And one other guy. - That's our guy. Was he okay?
Yeah. He was fine.
Just whacked out of his mind. You all were.
All right, come forward. And turn.
All right.
There you go. And cough.
Cough. Cough. Give me one more.
All right. Thattaboy.
Okay, Felix, you can put your robe on.
And the nurse will be in here in a minute.
I'll see you after the weekend.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, doctor.
Guys, I really gotta go. I'm sorry.
I have a surgery up on the fourth floor.
No, I know. But we just need a couple more minutes of your time.
Yeah. Tuck it right in there. I don't want to re-sterilize.
Walk with me.
Okay, here we go.
Patient name, Phil Wenneck, 2:45 a. m. arrival.
Minor concussion, like I said. Some bruising. Pretty standard.
Do you mind if I look? I'm actually a doctor.
Yeah, you said that several times last night.
But really, you're just a dentist.
Okay, this is interesting.
Your blood work came in this morning.
Wow.
They found a large amount of Ruphylin in your system.
Ruphylin. Roofies. Commonly known as the date-rape drug.
What, so, what are you saying, I was raped last night?
Actually...
I don't think so. But someone did slip you the drug.
I'm not surprised you don't remember anything.
Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night.
Remember?
Yeah. How could someone have drugged all of us?
Look, I wouldn't worry about it, guys.
By now, the stuff's out of your system. You're gonna be fine.
I have to go. - Wait, wait, wait. Please, doctor.
Is there anything else?
Like, something we may have been talking about...
...or some place we were going?
Actually, there was something.
You guys kept talking about some wedding last night.
Yeah. No shit. Our buddy Doug's getting married tomorrow.
You know what? I want the 100 back. - No, no. Easy.
You kept talking about some wedding you just came from.
At the, uh, Best Little Chapel.
You kept saying how sick the wedding was and getting all crazy about it.
Okay, I hope this helps. I really have to leave.
Best Little Chapel, do you know where that is?
I do. It's at the corner of Get A Map and Fuck Off.
I'm a doctor, not a tour guide.
Figure it out yourself, okay? You're big boys.
What about the baby?
Leave him in the car. We're gonna be five minutes.
Whoa, we're not leaving a baby in the car.
He'll be fine. I cracked the window.
What if they don't remember us? - Well, let's just find out.
I'm sor... Excuse me, sir? Hi.
Look at these guys.
What happened? You miss me?
You miss Eddie? You want more from me?
How are you, my friend? Look at this guy. You're fucking crazy.
What's going on, man?
Listen, I'm gonna tell you something. I know some sick people in my life.
This guy is the craziest, wildest bastard I ever met in my life, man.
Who? This guy? - This guy is out of his mind.
What's going on, you fucking crazy motherfucker?
I thought he was gonna eat my dick.
What happened? No love for Eddie? You don't hug me?
No, no. It's not that, Eddie.
Uh, it's just that we're having a hard time remembering...
...what happened here last night.
Yeah, was there a wedding here? Do you do weddings here?
You are cracking my balls, man.
Obviously we were here. We're looking for our friend Doug.
Do you remember? - Yeah, the small guy. Like a monkey.
Yeah. - You saw him?
Of course.
Is there anything you can tell us about what may have happened last night?
You don't remember nothing?
Congratulations, Stu, you got married. - This... This can't be happening.
Oh, God. - Look at that.
I'll tell you one thing, you look seriously happy here, man.
That's it. My life is over.
Stu, it's okay. Look, shit happens.
Come on. Melissa's not gonna know anything about this.
This never happened. I'll take care of it. - Come on. Put it here.
Hey, what's all that?
The High Roller package. It's what you ordered.
I have coffee mugs.
What? - You have baseball caps, huh?
And fancy calendars, all with pictures of Stu and Jade.
Her name's Jade? - Yeah, and she's beautiful, man.
Clean, very tight. Tits like that.
But that's because she had a baby. - That explains the baby.
Oh, Carlos. Carlos. - Great. All right.
Uh, here's the deal. We made a major mistake last night.
We need to get this marriage annulled immediately.
You do annulments? - Of course I do annulments.
It breaks my heart and gonna make me very sad...
...but it's no problem.
I'm gonna make a very good price for you.
I can't do it with just him, though. I need...
I need the chick. I need both parties.
Oh, not a problem. That's great. Isn't that great, Stu?
Come on, buddy. She probably knows where Doug is.
Awesome. - All right, all right. Okay. Uh...
We need her address. She filled out some paperwork, right?
Of course.
Hey. Excuse me. What is the matter with you?
Go and get the paperwork, man.
I spend my life waiting for you. Come on.
Okay. I'm going.
And get the baklava, please.
Hey, Phil, what about my dad's car?
I'm sure Doug has it. We'll get it back.
Then I vote we torch the cop car and all this shit with it.
Torch it? Who are you? - I don't know, Phil.
Apparently I'm a guy who marries complete strangers.
This whole situation is completely fucked.
These mugs. This hat. This car. - Hey!
It's all evidence of a night that never happened.
That is why we're torching all of it.
Whoa, I'm a schoolteacher, I got a family, okay?
I'm all for secrecy, but I'm not gonna torch a cop car.
Fine. I'll do it. - Can I help?
Yeah, thanks.
Is it Doug? - I don't have it.
It's Doug, it's Doug.
Uh, it's Melissa.
Don't answer. - I have to. She's called twice already!
Can I ride shotgun? - Don't touch me.
Hey, sweetheart, how are you?
There you are. This is the third time I'm trying you.
I know. The reception up here's crazy.
I think it's all the sequoia trees, block the signal.
Ugh, I hate that. So how was it last night?
Ah, it was really fun, actually. It was quiet, but it was a good time.
That sounds nice.
I'm learning all kinds of vino factoids. - Hi.
It'd be so cool if I could breast-feed, you know?
Well, listen...
...we're about to go for a tractor ride. - What the fuck?
I should get going. So pretty. - A tractor ride?
Go, out of the car! - What was that?
They started up the tractor. I think it backfired.
Where the hell is he? - Hey, easy, easy.
I think we're looking for the same guy, okay?
Hey! What the hell, man?
What the fuck, Stu? Is that a baby?
Why would there be a baby? We're at a winery. That's a goat.
Where is he?
I don't know! What are you talking about?
Sir, can you please start the tractor so we can get out of here?
I'm trying to, but we're fucking blocked.
Oh, my God! What the hell is happening, Stu?
Hey! There's a baby on board! - Someone just said "baby. "
Get out of the car! - It's a baby goat.
Why you making trouble for my business, man?
Go away from here. - Get out of the car!
Phil, he's got a gun! - No shit he's got a gun!
I gotta call you back. Bye. - Come on.
Fuck! Shit. - He shot me!
He shot Eddie! - Fuck this shit!
Fuck! Fuck!
Go, go, go!
Fuck.
Okay. Oh, that was some sick shit!
Who were those guys?
We're gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be okay.
What the fuck is going on?!
I have no idea.
Why don't you just let that go to voicemail?
Ha-ha-ha.
That's a fake laugh, by the way.
It's got, uh, Ted Danson and Magnum P.I. and that Jewish actor.
Shut up, Alan.
What room was it again? - It's 825.
I know, I did. I already checked with her.
I found him, I'll call you back. Thank God, he's with his father.
I was freaking out. I missed you, sweetie.
And I miss you.
No.
What the hell happened to you guys?
Actually, we were hoping you could tell us.
What do you mean?
I got up this morning, I went to get you guys all coffee...
...and I came back and you were gone.
Why are you being so quiet? - I'm not being quiet.
Ha, ha. You're so cute.
Yeah, I gotta feed Tyler. Come inside, you guys.
Did you hear that? Baby's name is Tyler.
Yeah. I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud.
Okay, what's up? You guys are acting weird.
Look, it's Jade, right? - Very funny, Phil.
Right, Jade, uh, ahem, you remember our friend, Doug.
Are you kidding? He was the best man.
Exactly. Well, we can't find him, and we're getting worried.
Oh, my God, that is so Doug.
Ha, ha. Oh.
Oh, sweetie, I'm... I'm gonna go clean him off.
It's all right, Daddy didn't mean it.
Oh, my God.
What the fuck, man, you gotta hold it together.
Holy shit. - She is super hot.
You should be proud of yourself. - She's wearing my grandmother's ring!
What? - The ring I'm gonna give to Melissa.
You remember, my grandmother's Holocaust ring?
Fuck. Okay. - She's wearing it.
I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.
He's okay. - Oh, good.
He was just hungry, he's fine. - Oh, good.
About last night, uh, ahem, do you remember the last time you saw Doug?
Uh, I haven't seen him since the wedding.
The wedding. Okay. Great.
And, uh, we can't re... What time was that at?
Well, it was, um...
I guess it was around 1, because I had to go back to work and finish my shift.
And then when I got out I headed over to the hotel with Tyler.
And was Doug there then?
I didn't see Doug because you guys were passed out. The room was a wreck.
So I just curled up next to Stu. - Uh-huh.
Rowr. - Oh.
I got a question. Um, you said when your shift ended.
Does that mean you're a nurse? Or a blackjack dealer?
You know this. I'm a stripper. - Mm-hm.
Well, technically I'm an escort...
...but stripping's a great way to meet the clients.
Smart. - Savvy.
But that's all in the past, now that I married a doctor.
I'm just a dentist.
Las Vegas Police! Freeze! - Okay.
Shut that baby up! Shut that baby up!
Oh, God! - Okay, okay, okay.
After we take the mug shots, we bring them down here...
...where they wait to be interviewed by the arresting officers.
Trust me, kids, you do not wanna be sitting on these benches.
We call this place Loserville.
Follow me. All right, let's do it. Come on.
Hello.
Hey, Tracy! It's Phil. - Hey, Phil.
Where are you guys? - We are at the spa at the hotel.
Cool. We're just getting some sun. Is Doug around?
Of course. Why wouldn't he be?
I'm just wondering why you're calling me.
Um...
We made a deal, no talking to girlfriends or wives.
So we're all calling each other's.
Okay. What's up?
Uh, you are not gonna believe this.
We got comped an extra night at the hotel.
You did?
Yeah. The suite is... It's ridiculous. It's out of control.
There's, like, room service and a butler. I mean, just the works.
We're thinking of spending the night...
...and we're gonna come back in the morning.
You wanna stay an extra night? But the wedding's tomorrow.
That's why we're gonna get up early, and we'll be back in plenty of time.
Okay. Are you sure that's a good idea?
Wenneck, Price, Garner. Room 3.
Okay, Trace, I gotta go. We'll talk to you later.
Uh...
Come on, chop-chop. - Okay, spin around.
That's it. - Goddamn it.
Wait a second. - I'll go over. I'll go over.
Stop pulling. - Can you just...? Hold on.
We got it. Alan, just relax. And then just... There we go.
Good.
Gentlemen.
We've got some good news, and we've got some bad news.
The good news is we found your Mercedes.
That's great news. - That's great. See?
Yeah, it's over at impound right now. We picked it up at 5 a. m. this morning...
...parked in the middle of Las Vegas Boulevard.
In the middle. That's weird. - Yeah, that is weird.
There was also a note.
It says, uh, "Couldn't find a meter, but here's 4 bucks. "
The bad news is...
...we can't get you in front of a judge until Monday morning.
Oh, no, uh, officer, that's just impossible.
No, we need to be in L.A. tomorrow for a wedding.
You stole a police car.
We didn't steal anything. Um, we found it.
Yeah, if anything, we deserve a reward or something, like a trophy.
I see assholes like you every day. - Every fucking day.
"Let's go to Vegas, we'll all get drunk and laid!
Yeah. Whoo! Woo-hoo. - Woo-hoo.
Let's steal a cop car, because it'd be really fucking funny. "
Think you gonna get away with it? Not up in here.
Not up in here! - Oh.
Uh...
Sir...
...if I may, um...
...I'm assuming that that squad car belongs to one of you.
Yeah. - Yeah.
Look, I'm not a cop.
I'm no hero. I'm a schoolteacher.
But if one of my kids went missing on a field trip...
...that would look really bad on me.
What are you getting at? - Yeah, Phil, what are you getting at?
No one wants to look bad. We gotta get to a wedding...
...and you guys don't need people talking about...
...how some obnoxious tourists borrowed your squad car last night.
But look, the point is, I think we can work out a deal.
Discreetly of course, ma'am.
What do you say?
www.frendz4m.com
Let me ask you a question:
Do, uh, any of you gentlemen have a heart condition or anything like that?
Uh, no.
Okay, kids, you're in for a real treat today.
These gentlemen have kindly volunteered to demonstrate...
...how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect.
Ooh!
That's right. - Wait a sec. What?
Now, there's two ways to use a stun gun. Up close and personal.
What the fuck? - Or you can shoot it from a distance.